Magnificent Obsession

It confuses me sometimes. 

why I have to shut up. 

why I have to be nice. 

why I have to be selfless. 

why I have to be understand and caring and loving and forgiving. 

why I have to live up, when we are all on the same boat. 

why me? 

I see things but have to be quiet because no one will believe how someone mistreats me. I see things but I have to let go because I’m supposed to be forgiving. I see things but I can’t be snappy or critical or even witty because that’s called being mean. 

All eyes on me, all so unwilling to forgive.

If you are wondering how I’ve been doing great, how I did well on those tests, and how I excel in many things, know that it’s all by God’s grace that I’ve come this far. If you think that we have money hidden in our pillowcases, you are way off. Maybe read my college essays and you’ll get a glimpse of what my life is actually like. 

I trust in Him who gives me strength. You talk crap, but I know the truth. The more and more I follow Him, the more people will give me a hard time. I guess that’s just the reality of life. It’s hard. It’s so dang hard. But what can I do? My eyes are set on something greater than you. 

Today was a pretty stressful day. Lord it gets too hard to stand strong sometimes

My first soccer games for this season. Last firsts For high school. It’s a young team like it has always been. It feels awkward to be commended. 엎드려 절받기 처럼….

Lots of emotions. Don’t know how to celebrate. I’ve always praised others. It doesn’t feel right. I wish they would just forget about this all and move on with life. Maybe then I can deal with it too. 

For once, I’m scared of confrontation.